Question:
I've been invited to attend a baptism — should I go?
Response:
Questions about christening and baptism ceremonies are pretty common, perhaps because the ceremonies themselves are so common. There are two different situations where an atheist might be faced with attending them: either they are invited to attend the baptism of an infant, or they are invited to attend the baptism of an adult.
Curiously, the first situation is a bit more complicated than it may at first appear. If you are invited to attend the baptism or christening for the infant of a friend or family, maybe you should go. You may not agree with baptisms, but you aren't the one being baptized. The ceremony is for the family of the infant, a type of induction into a religious community which for them is very important.
Attending is a sign of respect for their traditions and support for the family — refusing to show up when they think enough of you to extend an invitation could be perceived as a serious insult. You would need to have a very strong aversion to the ceremony to stay away and you'll need to be able to explain it to the family in order to avoid hard feelings.
On the other hand, if you take the ceremony much more seriously, then there are actually grounds to refuse to attend. After all, a child cannot voluntarily accept the doctrines of any religion; as such, it is impossible for the baptism to function as a genuine sign that it has accepted Jesus Christ for salvation. Many Christians object to infant baptism for similar reasons, so it's not as if you would be expressing some bizarre ideology here.
Adult baptisms are another matter entirely: the same reasons for attending exist while the problems that exist with infant baptisms are absent. A person's baptism is very important to them; by inviting you, they are saying that you are important to them. If they know that you are an atheist, they are also saying that your atheism is not more important than your friendship; but if you refuse, you will be saying that your atheism is more important than your friendship.
But why? It's not as if your atheism would in any manner be compromised by watching a baptismal or christening ceremony. You won't suddenly be converted to Christianity by attending — once again, it's not your baptism we're talking about. No one is going to think that you suddenly stopped being an atheist simply because you showed up.
No matter how silly you might think such ceremonies are, your feelings on it aren't relevant. What is relevant is your feelings about the friends or family who are holding the ceremony itself. Of course, if you are still getting over problems with your own religious background such that attendance just isn't possible, that is understandable — but you really should talk to the other person to help them understand so that they don't take unnecessary offense.
Of course, there are many christenings or naming ceremonies which have little or no religious aspects. Unitarian naming ceremonies, for example, are designed to allow parents to publicly express their devotion and dedication to their new child, promising to care for the child and to bring it into a community of caring friends and family. Religion, if it plays any role at all, is merely a context for the event.
As with the more explicitly religious ceremonies, attendance here is also a matter of showing support for friends and family. Whatever discomfort you might feel in the presence of religion, should that be more important to you than your relationships with the people you care most about? You create the sort of person you are by the choices you make, and at least most of the time you should tend to choose to be supportive of those around you. There will surely be times when your own principles or history prevents that, but they shouldn't dominate your life and relationships.
